A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell (1990)

Directed by: Brett Piper

Writer: Brett Piper

 

I don’t care what everyone says, A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell is a piece of crap! Okay, everyone DOES say it’s a piece of crap, but that’s not the point. The point is - A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell is a piece of crap.

The main problem with A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell is that nothing really happens in it. There’s this girl, the aforementioned “nymphoid” barbarian (whatever that might be), who’s job is to constantly run away from other people, some bizarre half-human creatures and various dinosaurs in what’s supposed to be a post-apocalyptic world where prehistoric and prepubescent meet (don’t hit me, I didn’t come up with that, it’s from the trailer). If this doesn’t make any sense to you, remember that this is a Troma film – not making sense is not only allowed, it’s highly recommended.

Anyway, she runs, gets in trouble here and there, punches someone in the face, runs again, gets into trouble, this guy saves her, she runs, someone captures her, she runs away, then some mutants are fighting, then she runs, then she’s attacked by someone or something and just when you think they’re gonna get her, this guy appears and saves her and then she runs away, but (you won’t believe it) a DINOSAUR appears (!) and this guy saves her from the dinosaur but then some mutants appear and try to catch her so she punches them in the face and runs away (why didn’t she stay with that guy the whole time I don’t remember, I probably overslept) and after that she gets into trouble because there’s this guy (not that guy who saves her, but some other guy) who wants to capture her so she runs away but she’s finally captured but then a dinoaur appears and this guy (not that guy who captured her, but the guy who constantly saves her) fights the dinosaur and she runs away and then some mutants are fighting and...

You probably see where this is going. Due to the lack of dialogue, lack of actors (I wouldn’t really call that piece of wood that plays the main role “an actress”) and the direction that is deep below any acceptable level, all this gets boring after ten minutes or so – after a full hour and a half, you’ll feel like you just got out of a washing machine.

For better or for worse, A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell has a truly great trailer (?!) that looks like one of those faux trailers, made only for fun, that never actually get turned into full movies. Unfortunately, this one did.