In
my opinion, this final part of the legendary Snake Eater trilogy is actually the best in the series. Now, before
the rabid fans of the first two parts tear me apart, let me try to justify this
somewhat controversial statement: First of all, Snake Eater III is based on a
book, which spices up its intellectual side a bit. And it has more breasts. I
rest my case.
The
influence of W. Glenn Duncan’s novel Rafferty’s
Rules (which I haven’t read, but I’ll bet it’s a pure masterpiece) on the
screenplay is obvious: Instead of rednecks, drug lords, mental institutions
etc, we have a warm story of a biker gang that kidnapped a young reporter and
spent several months drugging and raping her. When she finally escaped (or was
let go, I don’t remember) she was so screwed up in the head that she
automatically offered herself to anyone she met.
So,
the girl’s parents are quite upset with this and they hire Lorenzo Lamas to
track the bikers down and have them rubbed out, eliminated, maybe even killed.
Initially, he refuses, saying that he doesn’t do that sort of thing, but when
the girl’s mother replies “I think you do!” he immediately changes his mind and
accepts. Someone with her persuasion skills would certainly be a fine addition
to any RPG party.
The
reason Lorenzo’s able to accept this time consuming task is that he’s suspended
from the police again, this time for killing a guy who was trying to rob a
cafeteria. I wonder if they have a limit on suspensions in the department...
Anyway, now that Lorenzo has some free time, he finds himself a pretty cool
sidekick named The Cowboy, who provides vital information for him and
occasionally helps him kill people. Together they manage to bring down the gang
and eliminate their leader, after which the girl is mysteriously cured. This
sounds lake a lame horror movie, but that’s how it is.
Snake
Eater III has all the action and humor of the first two parts, plus more nudity
than both of them combined (which means simply more than the first, because the
second one didn’t have any). All the main female characters take their
clothes off at some point. For example, the girl that got tortured by the
bikers (Valerie’s her name, I think) lifts her skirt and starts to pull down
her panties immediately upon being introduced to Lorenzo, but unfortunately her
boring father stops her (a short digression: If you analyze these movies
carefully, you’ll notice that Lorenzo probably has some superpower that makes
women strip in his presence).
The
film has a good tempo and constantly alternates between fist fighting,
shooting, sex and Lorenzo’s arniesque one-liners. The highlight is probably a
scene in a bar where he fights this HUGE redneck, a moment of epic proportions,
rivalling the legendary fight between Bruce Lee and Kareem Abdul-Jabaar in Game
of Death. An interesting change from the previous installments is that Lorenzo
has a full-time girlfriend in this one, which shows his romantic side. Of
course, she’s completely useless, just like other female characters in the
series.
Unfortunately,
they have never made another Snake Eater movie and it burns my heart with
sorrow. But at least Lorenzo went on and made many other brilliant movies.
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